Hello :-)
So, here we are, the last one before the new one. You join
me at the sixth and penultimate instalment of The Incredible Suit’s #BlogAlongAStarWars where I try to turn my previously Star Wars ambivalent self
into a fan of this beloved franchise whilst simultaneously distracting myself
from the crushing inevitability of death.
I won’t lie, last month was a struggle. I feel this is
evident from the fact that, reading it back, my last post reads like a woman
having some kind of pop-culture induced breakdown. Let’s hope this month’s a
bit better then…
Revenge of the Sith
opens three years after the events of Attack
of the Clones. The Jedi are leading the clone army in the war against the
Separatists during which Obi-Wan (Ewan McGregor) is sent to kill General
Grievous (presumably Major Machiavellian was already taken?), leader of the
Separatist movement. Meanwhile Anakin (Hayden Christensen) is appointed to the
High Council as Senator/Chancellor/Emperor/Whatever he’s called this week
Palpatine’s (Ian McDiarmid) representative with their growing relationship
threatening the very core of the Jedi order.
Let’s start with a massive positive, the opening to Revenge of the Sith is great. It’s a
lovely, continuous shot (I’m a sucker for continuous takes and sustained shots,
see also: Birdman, first 20 minutes
of Gravity and the work of Steve
McQueen e.g. Hunger & Shame) of Anakin and Obi-Wan flying
around Grievous’s ship in which Palpatine is being held captive. Things take a
slight downturn when we actually get on to the Ship; R2D2 now has the ability
to fly and shoot fire (did he get them at the same place Kitty Pride got her
‘send people back in time’ powers in Days
of Future Past?) and Palpatine is now Anakin’s confidante in a way that was
never built up or shown to us and thus is a tad hard to swallow, but other than
that the sequence on the ship is actually, dare I say, kind of fun.
Alas, the fun cannot last because this is a Star Wars
prequel and the universe is a place indifferent to our suffering. After the
events of the opening Anakin is reunited with Padmé and so resumes the
clunkiest romance ever to play out on the silver screen. Honestly, that balcony
scene was so horrendous I don’t even want to think about it, not least because
Padmé is stood brushing her curly hair for the duration and anyone with
naturally or even unnaturally curly hair knows that you never go near it with a
brush, not unless you want to look like Crystal Tipps…
This is also the prequel with the least shit performances in
it. Hayden Christensen is not completely irredeemable, I kind of like the way he
plays the conflicted double agent it’s just a shame he’s lumbered with some of
the worst dialogue in the film.
This is definitely a film for the Mc’s; Ewan McGregor and
Ian McDiarmid are on good form. Gone is all the whingey rubbish and Ewan
McGregor is really given a chance to garner some sympathy for his character. He
goes through the whole film being a proper good guy so when it rolls round in
the final showdown and he says “I have failed you Anakin” it gets you. This is
what happens when you write half decent characters Mr Lucas, people end up
caring about them.
McDiarmid is the real stand out though. On full sugar, full
fat, dialled up to 11 form, he cackles and camps his way to maximum panto
villain. It’s perfect for a trilogy in dire need of a dose of daftness.
As well as occasional panto brilliance, Revenge of the Sith also goes darker than either of the previous
episodes. Order 66 is genuinely horrible to watch. Admittedly if we’d have
known these Jedi a little more it would have had even more of an impact but
it’s accompanied by a haunting bit of music and shot in such a stark way that
it’s hard not to be a little bit winded by it.
Whilst we’re on the subject, a quick word about the score.
It’s par for the course now that the the score is awesome but it really, really
is. John Williams you are a wizard. Even in the shonkey-est, most piss poor
dialogued moments of the prequels, the score shimmers like a lush Oasis in a
desert of crap. Stick that on the poster…
Finally we head into the third act and the infamous killing
of the younglings. I get it, you want to show us that Anakin has gone
completely evil and that is just about the most evil thing an individual can
do. The trouble is Vader is supposed to be simultaneously ruthless as fuck and tragically sympathetic. At the end
of Return of the Jedi we feel for him
because he’s a fallen man, an impressionable soul gone wrong, yes he’s
invisible chokehold-ed countless Imperial Commanders and reduced Alderaan to
atoms but he’s simply been led astray. The whole Vader arc depends on that
sympathy but when he’s committed mass child murder in such an up close,
intimate way, it’s really hard to feel anything other than contempt for him.
Following on from this we get the Palpatine/Yoda and
Anakin/Obi-Wan final showdowns one of which one almost works and the other has
no redeeming qualities. The fight between Anakin and Obi-Wan is probably a bit
too long and it’s certainly a bit too ridiculous. Why exactly this needed to
take place on a Lava planet I will never know and all the jumping and swinging
gets a bit too physics defying for my liking but on the whole it’s not half
bad. For the Palpatine/Yoda fight I’ll take a direct quote from my notes “Yoda
Palpatine fight = straight up bullshit”. I’ve already made my feelings known
about when Yoda picks up a lightsabre but this fight is pure Yoda leaping,
platform flinging bullshit.
So Anakin is defeated and left for dead, Padmé is in labour
and appears to be dying of a broken heart. Then we have the parallel scenes of
Leia and Luke being born and Anakin going ‘full Vader’. There was something about
this scene, the birth scenes and subsequent chatter between Obi-Wan and Jimmy Smits
that I really loved but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Then it dawned on me;
they were filmed on a physical set. Yes, the effects of Revenge of the Sith are the best of the Prequels, it absolutely looks
the nicest, but I don’t care how good your effects are, it’s not the same. You
can have the sheen of artifice in other things but having a physical set where
the actors can react to their surroundings is always going to yield better
results.
And that’s it. Leia heads off to Alderaan with an entirely
new identity and Luke goes to Tatooine where he keeps the same name as his
child murdering father, erm…
Now I can’t vouch for how much of this goodwill is genuine
praise and how much has come as a result of some kind of Stockholm syndrome
that’s kicked in after Attack of the
Clones, but from where I’m sitting this is definitely the best of the
prequels. It’s still not great (they absolutely don’t need to have the Wookies
in there but George can’t resist a bit of fan service), but, if I was in a
kidnap/interrogation situation and I was forced to watch it as some form of torture,
it wouldn’t break me.
So that’s it. I started #BlogAlongAStarWars thinking that
this exercise was going to severely lower my expectations for Episode 7 but it
actually hasn’t. I’ll admit the low point of Attack of the Clones was pretty
bad, but now, looking back on the whole thing, I’m pretty optimistic about The Force Awakens. It’s done what
I sent out to do, it’s turned me into a Star Wars fan (I bought a T-Shirt and
everything) and I’ve really enjoyed it :-)
So, in the immortal words of RuPaul, JJ “don’t fuck it up”.
Final Thoughts 1: It’s established here that Anakin lives
with Padmé, but does no one ever question that? I fail to see how no one in
the past 3 years has asked Anakin about where he lives. Do they have a
spare apartment somewhere that they’re fobbing off as his?
Final Thoughts 2: After Padmé informs Anakin she’s pregnant
“I doubt the Queen will continue to allow me to serve on the Senate”. Good to
see that institutionalised sexism is still thriving in a galaxy far, far away…
Surprise discovery: Ewan McGregor is Denis ‘Wedge Antilles’ Lawson’s
nephew! All together now… “Iiiiiiit’s a
small world aaaafter all!”
Goodbye till next time :-)
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
